How the Leopard Got its Spots
by Lena Ban Obsidian
Summary: A risque little parody and an old Acropolis Favorite.


**How the Leopard Got its Spots**  
(Or something similar)  
Notes: This is an oldie. Fixed up a little, but I am-- against all desire-- leaving it GW. Pretty much the old favorite; a remake of a classic children's story. ^_^ Enjoy!

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**Day 1**:

Leopard was a badass. He ate what he wanted, when he wanted it, and whatever he ate didn't complain. 

He looked remarkably like a brunette boy with intense blue eyes and a beige catsuit on, but no one said anything about that either, for fear of his personal basilisk glare. That was the way of things. Even living in the jungle, a land supposedly wrought with peril, predators and foliage, he was fine. Everything was easy prey, anyway.

He lived a prosperous, boring life for a time...and then he got lonely. 

Sitting down at the edge of a waterfall, he dangled his feet over the precipice and sighed. "I might as well kill myself. There's nothing to do, it's too late to try making friends, and the animals keep running away from me whenever they see me." (Leopard had a tendency to talk to himself.)

Dejected, he began to seriously consider suicide. Just as he was about to jump into the waterfall and drown himself, a little tiger walked up from behind him and offered a cheery hello. "Konnichiwa! How are you?" If Leopard noticed that the newcomer was not so much a fellow feline as a fellow in an orange catsuit, he didn't bother to say so. Smiling adorably, the little cat waved a dainty paw at him. 

Leopard felt himself smiling back, against all his better instincts. "Who are you?"

"I'm a tiger, passing through. My friends call me Quatre." Big, curious green eyes peered closely at Leopard. "Who're you?"

Leopard shrugged nonchalantly. "Leopard. You can call me Heero." Suspicion chased Heero's smile away and replaced it with an almost-frown. "I haven't seen you around here."

Laughing, Quatre replied, "Well, that's because I've never been here before. Traveling, Heero. I'm a traveling tiger." Settling down next to Heero, Quatre explained himself more thoroughly. "I come from the plains. But it was soooo hot there, and I always got all sweaty." He tugged at his collar in remembered discomfort. Leopard's eyes were gleaming with interest. Must've been the sweat. "So I decided to move." Beaming again, Quatre held out a paw to Heero. "Shall we be friends?" 

Confused, Leopard peered down at the paw. Tentative, he grabbed it and shook it. "Okay." 

And so, Leopard and Tiger became friends. 

**Day 2**:

The next day, Tiger and Leopard had a picnic by the waterfall, and they ate gazelle meat together in peace, talking of idle things ad generally enjoying each other's company. Then, tiger went for a swim. "Are you crazy?" Leopard cried as the orange cat jumped into the water and swam around. Quatre seemed to be enjoying himself. 

"Come on in!" Splashing Heero playfully, he added, "The water's fine." For all his coaxing, Tiger couldn't get Leopard into the water. "Oh, poo! Why not?" Heero wrinkled his nose in an adorable fashion (had he been conscious of just *how* adorable, surely, he never would have done so.)

"It's wet." 

So, Tiger swam and Leopard watched from a nearby tree, envying his friend who frollicked so happily in the waterfall. When Tiger came out, his catsuit-- *ahem* _fur_ was soaking wet and clung to his body. It made his firm kitty muscles stand out, and his blond kitty mane was draped wetly over his face. He glittered in the filtered sunlight. Leopard began to drool.

"Oi, Heero, have you got a towel?" 

Quatre asked as he stood there, dripping, a vision of naive bishonen. Heero somehow managed to shake his head. "I'm a cat. Don't be silly."

"Oh," Quatre shrugged, a little disappointed, and began licking himself. "Then I guess--" *lick* "--this is the most--" *lick* "---efficient way--" *lick* "--to get dry," *lick lick* "wouldn't you agree?" *lick*. 

Leopard pounced. 

**Day 24**:

"Again! Again!" Quatre smiled seductively up at his 'captor,' and stuck out his tongue in jest. "Don't tell me you're too tired?"

"You wish," Heero muttered, a smirk on his lips. 

The peaceful silence of the jungle was broken, minutes later, by wild cries of exultant animals. (^o^;;) 

**Day 29**:

"We need to get cleaned up, Leopard. We're filthy." Leopard notcied that he was covered in spots of dark black dirt. Tiger was covered in stripes of it. The patterns looked neat, but Leopard was averse to remaining dirty. 

Leopard was also averse to water. "Ho do you propose to do that?" He snorted derisively. "I doubt we want to try licking it."

Tiger frowned. "Well, a quick swim would--"

"No."

*sigh* "All right." They laid there in silence for a moment. "Are you *sure* we can't just go for a swim?"

Leopard growled and slunk up his tree. "Very." 

After an hour or so of deliberation on the matter of getting clean, they decided it wasn't important.

Wild calls rang through the jungle. Triple XXX meant more than a B-rated movie to those two felines. 

**Day 52**:

"Aaahh..." Quatre nuzzled closer to Heero. "You're quite the stud," he murmured. 

Leopard purred. 

"Ne, Heero..." Quatre sat up, turning his best I'm-ever-so-worried look on his mate. "I feel awful. Couldn't we pretty please go swimming?"

Leopard stopped purring. "No."

Tiger got fed up. "Fine! You don't have to, but I will!" And with that, he leapt into the pool. When he resurfaced, his green eyes glittering with irritation, Leopard sighed and finally conceded. 

"Oh, all right. But only this once." With the delicate care of an over-cautious child, Heero tiptoed over to the pool beneath the waterfall. He daintily dipped a toe in, and shivered. Quatre smiled evilly, and grabbed the other fellow's ankle, yanking him forward into the water. 

The now bedraggled Leopard glared impotently at Tiger, made a token effort at getting clean and hopped back out. He was soaking wet, and he was not happy about it. Tiger's eyes widened. "Heero..." The spots were still there. Once he'd left the water, Quatre discovered that his stripes were still there too. 

"Well?" Heero asked testily, beginning to lick himself dry. "What--" *lick* "--do we--" *lick* "--do--" *lick* "--now?" *licklicklick*... 

Tiger pounced. 

**Day 147**: 

They sighed. 

"Does that answer your question?" 

Heero shot Quatre a _look_. The tiger looked very pleased with himself. Smiling, he nodded, huddling closer to his companion. 

"Heero?"

"Mn?"

"You're warm."

"Mn."

"I'm going to fuck you again."

"Mnnnn..."

The jungle erupted into chaotic activity with the wild cries of its native creatures. 

..._And that is how the Leopard got its spots._

^_^;;; 


End file.
